you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize