I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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