Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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