Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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