you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
