You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
