OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
