So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Randomize
