Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
