I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I forgot wine drunk hurts
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
