Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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