I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
