if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
