Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
As shirtless as possible
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I fill condoms, not promises.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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