Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
