It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
