I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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