He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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