there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
