ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
two words: eviction party
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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