There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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