Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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