remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hippo gnu deer
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
