Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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