yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
