i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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