I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize