In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
