I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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