but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
