my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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