I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
