so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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