I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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