Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
