It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize