I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
