He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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