maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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