I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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