Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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