We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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