there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
