a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
