I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
