I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Congratulations! We have a period
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