If that was your dad, he is hot
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
