Acid is not a monday night drug
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
