I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
