Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
