what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
