My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
