dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
