then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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