I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
