I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
