at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
