dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
