I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
