doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
