The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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