I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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