Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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