how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
