Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
